Last week, I asked for a punishment if I didn't break 300 lbs.  Some of your responses were awesome!  I love the support.  My favorite response was Mia, "Your punishment should be that you have to bake me a chocolate or pumpkin cake but you can't eat any of it."

Weight: 298.6
Total lost to date 14.3

Getting a little discouraged... and getting over it. (Week 9)

Oh Gosh, it's been a while.  Let me catch you up.  My latest weigh in was 301.1.  A little bit of a gain, but to be honest, I don't think it's anything more than hormones and water weight.  I've never been a big fan of getting discouraged and living there.  So, I have been a bit discouraged, but more than anything, just busy.  I'm working, My oldest child just started college courses at the local JC.  We are in contract on a house and will be moving soon, and life... just life.

My diet has gotten a little off track, but I'm back on.  I would venture a guess that my weigh in this next week will break the 300 lbs. mark.  But to be fair to the power of accountability, what should my "punishment" be if I don't reach that goal.  You see, there's rewards for doing well and should be some kind of drawback when I don't do well, so help me come up with creative "punishments".

Walking a little slower

Recently, I started a new job.  My new boss is amazing and I've had fun chatting with him about my weight loss competition and blog.  So, I told him that yesterday, my sweetheart woke me up really early because he couldn't sleep and that we decided to go get donuts for the kids from our favorite donuts place in Raytown (It's called Doughboy and I feel not guilt about the shameless plug).  He replied, "I thought you were on a diet."

I felt no guilt in saying I had one, my favorite one (the red velvet.... mmmmm).  I'm always within my caloric budget (except for probably three or four days over the last six weeks) and I've lost a steady two-ish pounds a week.  If I keep this up over the course of the year, that's approximately 100lbs. lost, but let's not get ahead of ourselves :). My gym attendance is existent but slim.

So, in response to this, my boss said that I should feel free to get up and move around to clean the office.

The Sixth Step (week 5)

Weight 300.4
Total lost to date 12.5 lbs.

This week I felt thinner.  Not a lot, but a little.

This morning I had to run to the grocery store to get food for breakfast (we were completely out of milk, eggs, cereal, bread and butter... very unlike me :) ). As I walked into HyVee, I saw my reflection in the window as I walked in and felt thinner.

When I'm down on myself for not progressing quickly enough, I look at the meat department and compare five and ten pounds of fatty meat and think, "that's what I lost... that's something, isn't it?"

There you have some random thoughts for the day.

When You're Walking...

What do you think about?  Do you memorize scriptures?  I used to memorize the plays and skits that I was participating in.

I'm not much of a walker.  My back has some problems, but I don't mind cycling.

That's actually not what this post was about.  As I'm walking this path, I'm impressed by so many things people say.  Many are too scared to say anything for fear of offending me.  If I were easily offended, I wouldn't take the chance to publicly share my journey with the remote possibility some jerk will get on here and tell me what a fat pig I am and anything of that sort.  I was fully aware of that possibility.

I'm here before you all to tell you that I NEED your comments, good bad and ugly.  I think about a lot of things including the comments you share, the recipes, the future, the past... all of it.  When my last post received some comments about books and videos to watch, one in particular struck me.

Forks over Knives.  I haven't seen it yet, but I'm to understand it's a plant based diet.  My friend from church had cancer a few years ago and switched to plant based diet.  He is the healthiest older man I know.  If he dies before he's 100, it will be a fluke.  I like meat, but I'm not foolish about it.  My husband LOVES meat and insists that most meals should have it.  That is something I've been trying to work on.

It's also really difficult to find the time to prepare meals to that degree.  I've worked on it one little bit at a time and will eventually get there, but it takes work and it takes time.

I'd love more of your advice and I will update you on the progress after I watch that movie.

The Fifth Step (Week 4)

I'm not so proud as to not admit that I look like a complete idiot in this video :).  The code question was what was my favorite thing I've done this summer.

Yesterday was my birthday.  I found that the frosting was kinda gross.  Today is my youngest child's first birthday, so it's been a fun weekend.

Weight: 304.0
Total lost to date: 7.9 lbs.

This is not a lot, but, just like the last post, it's consistent.  I can't complain when I'm still losing.  At one point, I weighed myself in the morning and I was down to 298.8.  I'm currently retaining water, but it was nice to see that number go below 300 for just a little bit.

I am working my new job, haven't been to the gym, but have done a lot of work around the house, like removing wall paper and taping off the exterior windows for the painter to paint our house.  So, I've not been completely sedentary.

Now that I'm done with this post, I'm going to go take the tiles off my bathroom wall.

Peace out!

The Fourth Step (week 3)

Perhaps it seems odd I talk of elephants, but the code word for this weigh-in video was our favorite animal.

Weight: 306.6 lbs.
Total lost to date: 6.3 lbs.

It was a little harder this week (and based on some of the other comments, I'm not the only one struggling with it) but at least I've been consistent in losing.

I mentioned yesterday some of my goals.  Any comments, suggestions, opinions or ideas are welcome... that's the whole point of the blog.

Goals this week

So, I didn't make it to the gym this week... at all
I took my vitamins everyday.
I took my nasty concoction a couple of times (ACV)
I started a new job.
I helped work on the house getting it ready to be painted

My goals this week:
Do better :)

The Third Step (completion of week 2)

Here we are at the completion of week 2.

Weight: 307.9
Total Loss to date: 5 lbs.

My accomplishments this week were that I went to the gym once, took my ACV drink two days and took my vitamins every day.

My goals this week are to go to the gym more than once and drink the ACV concoction daily.

Along the Path

Last week, I went to a store in Independence.  I ran in while the family waited in the car and as I was checking out, a man came up to me and flirted.  He asked if I was married and was gracious in his compliments.  I blushed, and accepted his praise with gratitude and rushed through check out.

A few days later, another similar thing happened.  In another store, another man flirted with me and told me I was beautiful.

So, let me explain something, as a heavy person, I hate compliments.  When somebody says I'm beautiful, I struggle to believe them.  When my husband tells me I'm beautiful, I struggle to believe him.  When the world tries to tell me that big is beautiful, I sincerely struggle to believe them... but only as it applies to me.

There a few heavy women in our church congregation.  I see them as beautiful.  Why is it so difficult for me to believe that I can be seen as I see others?

A diversion

I had an interesting sensation yesterday that I want to share with you.  I have really felt a huge difference with the few pounds I've lost.  My aches are dimmed and my energy increased.  My self-image changed.  I felt thin again...

Then we took a picture in my class yesterday

To say I was disappointed would not be wholly correct. Sure, it was a stark reminder, a necessary shot of realism.

I'm a big woman, and that's OK.

But that's only have of what I got from this.  The other half is a reminder of what I'm aiming for.  When I was thin a couple of years ago, I felt it.  I felt attractive and special, unique and just plain good.  In order to not drag myself down over the last few years, I gave myself credit for having babies.  This is what my body is for and to avoid having children just to look good is selfish and prideful.

So, I'm a big woman, and that's OK.

Remembering being thin, remembering thinking I'm beautiful, remembering the power of my smile... that was what I got from this experience.  This goal of feeling that way again, not just the numbers, but really feeling these things again, that is what this journey is about.

Admittedly, I'm a big woman, and that's OK.

Another Paver

Prayer is something people, in general, have forgotten.  With it, we have peace and comfort in trying times, a place to turn when every other path seems hopeless, and a direct communication with Deity.  We've been told to pray over our gardens, to keep a prayer in our hearts.  Wouldn't it make sense that a loving Father in Heaven would want us to pray over anything that is of concern to us?

So, I pray.  I pray about my weigh loss.  I pray about my garden (literally).  I pray in gratitude or in need.  I even express gratitude when I'm stuck behind somebody slow and they move over or the light turns green just in time for me to go through the intersection, especially when I'm running late.  There is no limit to what we can pray about, so why should our weight, this temple we've been given for this earthly existence, be any different?

A Paver

After having a conversation with my sweet friend, Aly, the other day, I wanted to share with others what I shared with her.  I've had a lot of "weight loss experience" (I wish that were usable on a resume) and while I'm by no means an expert, I have learned a lot.

There a lot of adages

• It took years to gain the weight, it will take years to get it off
• I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
• Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. 
• The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humor. 
• You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut. 
• Instead of focusing on which unhealthy foods to eat less of, concentrate on which healthy foods to eat more of. 
• The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat.
• I'm in shape. Round is a shape — isn't it?
• Obesity is a condition which proves that the Lord does not help those who help themselves and help themselves and help themselves.

In my discussion with my friend, she asked what I'm doing to lose weight.  This was my advice.

"Start with one thing at a time.  Take a month just worrying about whether or not there's High Fructose Corn Syrup in your diet (or any other ingredient you're concerned about).  Eventually, you'll want to limit sugars as much as possible, but first just get rid of fake sugars.  It's better to eat junky food if the junk is at least natural, so use butter instead of margarine, stevia instead of sugar, and little things like that.  You'll find, if you're paying attention, at the end of your trial period with these changes, that you won't actually like the fake flavors anymore... that is your first ounce of motivation.  Then, you add in something else, like an exercise you enjoy, for me it's volleyball.  You do that for a month or two or three while keeping up with the other change you made previously.  These things will become completely natural to you and when you're ready to do something more, you add in another little change.
It's hard, but we have a tendency to feel the "all or nothing" aspect of weight loss, but you're really just trying to do stuff you know you'll keep doing for years, not just to lose the weight."

That last part is the key, in my opinion.  Why waste your time on something temporary with temporary results?  Just do what you know you will stick to/ afford.

If you're eating food that you could throw away because "it's waste", think of it this way, it's either "waste" or "waist", you get to decide if it's more wasted on your butt or in the trash.  My chiropractor, when I told him of my intent to do this competition and blog, suggested that you fill your plate and then throw half of it in the trash.  Now, I wouldn't necessarily go that far for myself, but I could see the psychology working for somebody else.

There are yummy vegetables and salt in moderation is not a bad thing, so, if I'm really munchie or hungry, I just steam some veggies or enjoy them fresh.  It's filling, healthy and really yummy.  Now, that being my opinion doesn't necessarily mean that it will work for everybody, but you can find your niche.  There's something that will work for each of us.  Pick yours and make it happen.
Be patient, be willing to fail, but more importantly, be willing to succeed.

The Second Step

First week of the competition.... check
My weigh in Sunday evening with a weight of 309.7 and a total loss to date of 3.2 lbs.

I've been asked what I'm doing to lose weight.  In one of my first posts I shared my plans and some options, but I'm going to go into much more detail here.

This first week, I only did a food changes.  I ate reasonable caloric intake, made sure I had enough protein and ate less.  The app I use is MyNetDiary.com and I LOVE IT.  It tracks not just my food and calories, but my protein, fat, carbs, etc.  The app also tracks my water intake, exercise and calories burnt.

This week, the changes being made include regular exercise and restarting my vitamin regimen.  I will also begin my use of the reader comments recommended Apple Cider Vinegar recipe.  We'll see what a difference it makes this week.

The Purpose of the Journey

Well, if you know me, you know I LOVE lists.  Here's my list of reasons for taking the journey this time around.

So, in no particular order.

Let's get right to it and not ignore the elephant in the room (pun intended)... 

1. Sex, because, let's face it, sex as a fat person just isn't as fun.

2. The back flab that sweats in the hot July summer.  No kidding, it's gross.

3. Kaufman stadium and the theater at Union Station have such narrow seating that I have to sit sideways with only one butt cheek on the seat at a time.  It's miserably uncomfortable.  Movie theaters and the temple aren't as bad, but I'd still like not touch both armrests simultaneously.

These are from the original blog, but still apply:

4. I'd like to not look like a fruit anymore

5. I'd prefer to play volleyball, and other games, without bouncing in a gross way (because you have to admit, there's a good bouncing and there's a bad bouncing).

6. Looking pregnant when I'm not and not looking pregnant when I am... not cool.

A Step in the Right Direction

I've been asked "what are you doing?" and have had recommended programs and products.  Whole 30, Plexus, It Works, etc.

The most important rule I follow in this weight loss plan is that I will not start anything I'm not willing to live with for the rest of my life.  If something costs too much to continue after 12 week, I'm not starting it.  The words "kick start" really translate to "yo-yo" and that's simply not acceptable.

Off the Path

Just as a humorous side note.  I originally picked the brown background because it made me think of chocolate and that makes me happy... but isn't really helpful in a weightloss blog :).

I chose the black and white because white is my favorite color and black is slimming.

Have a great day!

The First Step

WOW, what a great great great support I have here!!!  Your ideas are all awesome and I can't wait to apply some of them.

I'm doing a really quick post this morning regarding the competition.  The weigh in began Monday evening and I thought I'd post it here.  The "code word" was to say what part of your body you liked (so they knew if you were recording the video after the start time).

So, my starting weight for this experience is 312.9 lbs.  Here we go everybody!!!

Stepping Stones

My immediate goal is the 12 weeks competition.  It's a "percentage lost" competition and so could go any direction.  The following is a list of practices I've either begun or intend to... what are your thoughts?

Apple Cider Vinegar/honey/lemon/ginger daily drink

3-5 days a week cycling and basic core workout. (I might even pick up on some Zumba)

Daily vitamin regimen including multi's, D, B-complex, C, Kelp, Glucosamine, Omega 3, probiotics and a few others.

Stevia in place of sugars with no HFCS and lower sugar in general.

Stop eating when I'm no longer hungry, not necessarily cutting out any food, just eating smaller meals.

High veggie intake, sometimes as a meal (many from our own garden)

60mg protein daily in various forms.

fruit and fruit smoothies with yogurt and natural sweeteners in lieu of desserts.

I'm considering an intermittent fasting regime, but as I'm nursing, this might have to wait.

Installing a large mirror to look at myself daily (not the scale).

Using post it's to create thoughts, complements and reminders to help on the journey.

Using the OneNetDiary App.  Others have been recommended, I will have to look those up.

Creating a calendar to help me along the path.

So here are my ideas.  Feel free to add some ideas, recipes and experiences to help me along the way.

In the beginning...

Many many years ago, in a land far far away (California), I was thin.  I wrestled for my high school, so I was also fit.  However, I, being the youngest of four and the last child at home, I was not a healthy eater.  My knowledge of fast food menus was extensive and my taste in those various types of food was particular.  I was not a healthy eater!

Fast forward three children and I've gained a respectable amount of weight maxing out at 297 lbs. This was a pinnacle moment for me and I was determined to do something about it.  So, I created "Watch Beth Lose it", the first.  For eight months I tried to watch what I ate, exercise more and lose weight... it didn't work.  I lose eight lbs. and was devastated by what felt like monumental failure.

In July 2009, I had the lapband placed.  This was huge and I proceeded to lose 140 lbs. in total.  I also was divorced during this time.  What a huge change of life occurred.  I was beautiful, no seriously, freakin' gorgeous!!!  I got to play in some awesome theatrical roles and was frequently asked to perform in music programs as a soloist.  I dated a lot, but I learned more.

Fast forward again to July 2012, I got married.  My lapband had slipped and was no longer effective.  I did not have the insurance coverage that provided a removal or replacement.  In December, I was pregnant... miscarried.  In March, I was pregnant again, miscarried.  In June, pregnant again, and over the course of the two miscarriages and my daughter's pregnancy, I gained nearly every pound back that I had lost.  Nine months after having her, I was pregnant again (yes, I know what causes it and it's fun, so worth it), and didn't gain much with him but have found myself gaining a few pounds here and there.

I currently sit (I should stop sitting, right?) at just shy of 315 lbs.  That's a lot!!!  Recently, I was invited to a weight loss competition on Facebook.  It occurred to me that my weight loss through surgery was rather unhealthy as it was strictly a calorie restriction.  I did not eat healthier or exercise more.  I just ate less.

So, we're going to try this again.  You, all of you, are here to hold me accountable.  Ask questions, give suggestions, offer advice and hold me to my goals.  The weight loss competition is a 12 week deal.   At the end of twelve weeks, I hope to be not just lighter, but healthier.  I'd like to create habits that will not only help me win this competition, but create habits that will help me to continue in my weight loss journey.

In my next post, I will walk you through my plan.